Friday, October 24, 2025

 This consistent sense of longing and not feeling I'm good enough.  Im so tired of it. It's a type of hunger and dissatisfaction that is ever-present.

Is there a way to get rid of it or lessen its intensity, i wonder.


For the longest time, I thought continual growth and development would dampen its loudness somewhat but that doesn't seem to be the case. It's ever-present


Maybe that's the takeaway.  Make peace with it. It's an unavoidable part of being human.

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Hark Triton, hark! Bellow, bid our father the Sea King rise from the depths full foul in his fury! Black waves teeming with salt foam to smother this young mouth with pungent slime, to choke ye, engorging your organs til' ye turn blue and bloated with bilge and brine and can scream no more - only when he, crowned in cockle shells with slitherin' tentacle tail and steaming beard take up his fell be-finned arm, his coral-tine trident screeches banshee-like in the tempest and plunges right through yer gullet, bursting ye - a bulging bladder no more, but a blasted bloody film now and nothing for the harpies and the souls of dead sailors to peck and claw and feed upon only to be lapped up and swallowed by the infinite waters of the Dread Emperor himself - forgotten to any man, to any time, forgotten to any god or devil, forgotten even to the sea, for any stuff for part of Winslow, even any scantling of your soul is Winslow no more, but is now itself the sea!

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The beginning is perhaps more difficult than anything else, but keep heart, it will turn out all right. -Vincent van Gogh