I was eavesdropping on a conversation between a father and son recently while at a cafe.
The son was describing some emotional struggle he was dealing with, I don't recall the specifics. What shocked me was the father's behavior. He was attentive and allowed his son to do the majority of the talking. At times, he would ask clarifying questions to get more details. He was non-judgemental the entire time and his questions weren't "loaded" and didn't bias towards a specific answer. After the son was done talking, the father shared some encouraging words and seemed obviously sympathetic. I noticed he didn't share his views on what he thought the "right" approach was. He simply offered to help however he could and left it up to the son to decide and make his own decisions.
Afterwards, I thought about why I was so surprised by the father's behavior. I didn't have to think long. I immediately realized the reason. I've NEVER had such an exchange with either of my parents. Over the years, I've repeatedly attempted to seek guidance from them on difficult or emotional issues and nearly every time, I've walked away from the interaction feeling considerably worse. Unlike the father at the cafe, my own parents can't help but strongly push their own views on what they believe the "right" course of action is. They can't help but be judgemental. There is no attempt to listen in a neutral and sympathetic manner. Their approach is essentially the complete opposite of the cafe father.
I've subsconously harbored a lot of resentment towards my parents for being this way. But, it's finally time to let it go. They literally can't help themselves. They are incapable of behaving differently. They mean well but the end result has the opposite effect. It saddens me that the "rational" response in this situation is to not attempt to talk to my parents about anything difficult or emotionally complex. But, what choice do I have? It's not like they are going to drastically change at this point.
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Hark Triton, hark! Bellow, bid our father the Sea King rise from the depths full foul in his fury! Black waves teeming with salt foam to smother this young mouth with pungent slime, to choke ye, engorging your organs til' ye turn blue and bloated with bilge and brine and can scream no more - only when he, crowned in cockle shells with slitherin' tentacle tail and steaming beard take up his fell be-finned arm, his coral-tine trident screeches banshee-like in the tempest and plunges right through yer gullet, bursting ye - a bulging bladder no more, but a blasted bloody film now and nothing for the harpies and the souls of dead sailors to peck and claw and feed upon only to be lapped up and swallowed by the infinite waters of the Dread Emperor himself - forgotten to any man, to any time, forgotten to any god or devil, forgotten even to the sea, for any stuff for part of Winslow, even any scantling of your soul is Winslow no more, but is now itself the sea!