While the past few weeks have been extremely draining and I haven't had much sleep, this experience has been an important wake-up call that made me realize I need to make fundamental changes in my life. One of those changes has been to implement an "off night" when I do absolutely nothing "productive" and I get to do something enjoyable such as playing video-games, enjoying a delicious meal at a restaurant I love, or sitting next to mom and watching a show with her such as "Shark Tank" or "The Profit." I have finally realized that my life is just too intense and I don't know how to properly give myself a break. I am always fixated on being as productive as possible and doing activities that promote creative, intellectual, and emotional growth. This is no way to live, at least not for me. I understand this now and I want to make changes. I don't quite know where to begin but the idea of a night off is a great place to start I think.
Another change I have been working on has been trying to form more connections and trying to be more social. This change has been especially difficult for me since I am not very good at making new friends and I lead a pretty lonely life. I am alone in my room almost every night, working on a drawing or practicing the cello. While I find these activities extremely meaningful, challenging, and important, I have no real human contact outside of my parents and coworkers. I have been in denial about how difficult and painful such a life has been for me. The pain has likely finally caught up with me. This is what this post is ultimately about and I finally got to the point! Today, I met up with wonderful people from a Meetup group called "Atheists United" (https://www.meetup.com/atheistsunited). We picked up trash on a stretch of a freeway in Glendale and afterwards we gathered at a restaurant where we had wonderful and thought-provoking conversations. I want to make a note of this experience since I have a difficult time acknowledging personal accomplishments and progress towards life goals. While I can't realistically consider the people I met today as close friends, I do believe it's a good start towards potential future friendships. Moving forward, I hope for the best and I will keep trying to make new friends. It's an important and very worthwhile goal to work towards.
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Hark Triton, hark! Bellow, bid our father the Sea King rise from the depths full foul in his fury! Black waves teeming with salt foam to smother this young mouth with pungent slime, to choke ye, engorging your organs til' ye turn blue and bloated with bilge and brine and can scream no more - only when he, crowned in cockle shells with slitherin' tentacle tail and steaming beard take up his fell be-finned arm, his coral-tine trident screeches banshee-like in the tempest and plunges right through yer gullet, bursting ye - a bulging bladder no more, but a blasted bloody film now and nothing for the harpies and the souls of dead sailors to peck and claw and feed upon only to be lapped up and swallowed by the infinite waters of the Dread Emperor himself - forgotten to any man, to any time, forgotten to any god or devil, forgotten even to the sea, for any stuff for part of Winslow, even any scantling of your soul is Winslow no more, but is now itself the sea!