Thinkin' About Life n' Stuff

I don’t think I’ve ever taken time to consciously think over major parts of my life.  This seems like a useful exercise.

Career

After getting my MA in Public Policy in 2011, I floated around for about 6 years doing work that had nothing to do with my degree. About a year and a half ago, I finally managed to secure a position that directly utilizes my degree.  At my current job, I do research, analysis, and writing on a daily basis.  These are the core skills that were covered during my graduate program and I am happy that I finally get to have real world experience.  I have learned a lot and I am extremely thankful and lucky that I managed to get into a Policy Analysis position of this sort.  However, my experience here has been somewhat of a wakeup call regarding coworkers and managers.  No matter how great a job is, if you have a difficult time with people you work with, that aspect of the job can negate the positives on most days.  This has unfortunately been the case and it has been my primary difficulty.  But, this setback has been an educational experience as well and I’ve had to strengthen my emotional resilience in response.  For instance, I have learned to better deal with people who get stressed easily and are unable to manage their anxiety  Ultimately, I am thankful for having this challenge and I will continue to learn from it.

As for next steps, I am not quite sure at this point.  After I rack up another year or two of policy analysis experience at this job, more doors might open for me and I can apply to more senior and managerial-level positions. 

Health

I was recently diagnosed with Tinnitus (constant noise in ears that only the person themselves can hear) and it has been quite the journey so far.  I initially met the diagnosis with anxiety and denial and was unable to sleep for several nights in a row.  But as always, the anxiety naturally declined over time and my mind learned to be more accepting of this condition.  I think about it less often now but it’s still on my mind perhaps 30-50 times a day whenever it comes into conscious awareness.  At night, it’s front and center since the environment is more silent and I can hear the internal noise much more easily and intensely.  Evenings have been the most difficult time of the day so far but I am learning to manage.  I am not sure if this condition will ever go away since there is no cure for it.  The most an afflicted person can do is to learn to live with it with as little stress as possible.  I am still somewhat distressed over potentially being stuck with a condition for life but I am also hopeful that I will think about it less and less often over time, until it becomes background noise (literally.. heh…) that my mind ignores on its own.

Personal Life

My biggest challenge in this area has been my consistent failure of being part of a small group of buds who hang out and do stuff together.  I used to have such a group of friends about 10 years ago but due to various reasons, everyone mostly fell off the radar and I haven’t spoken to my old friends in years.  I have always struggled to make consistent friends but I had no idea how truly difficult it could be since there really isn’t a reliable “guide” for stuff like this.  At least I am able to keep touch with folks somewhat consistently when it comes to electronic communication.  However, I do yearn for in-person interactions and those have escaped me for a while.  Oh well, I’ll keep trying.  Not much else I can do.

I guess that’s all for now.  Onward.