Lately, I have been frustrated with my
inability to truly think about myself in a more “healthy” way. Often times, I will have a negative and
unreasonably critical view of myself while at the same time I am able to realize
that the thoughts themselves are irrational and unfair. At a conscious level, I know that if I were
speaking to another person and they shared the same exact thoughts about
themselves, I would push back and try to make them understand how they are being
unreasonable. Yet, I cannot push back
similar thoughts in myself, why?
Why do we have the ability to understand that
our thoughts are irrational and this realization still seems to accomplish
nothing? What use does such a realization have in practical terms? If anything,
it makes the whole situation more frustrating since it makes a mockery of our
supposed ability to “control” our thoughts.
To me, this is an important reminder that we
shouldn’t be judgmental of others who hold unhealthy thoughts
about themselves. We can’t escape the same problem in our mind.
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Hark Triton, hark! Bellow, bid our father the Sea King rise from the depths full foul in his fury! Black waves teeming with salt foam to smother this young mouth with pungent slime, to choke ye, engorging your organs til' ye turn blue and bloated with bilge and brine and can scream no more - only when he, crowned in cockle shells with slitherin' tentacle tail and steaming beard take up his fell be-finned arm, his coral-tine trident screeches banshee-like in the tempest and plunges right through yer gullet, bursting ye - a bulging bladder no more, but a blasted bloody film now and nothing for the harpies and the souls of dead sailors to peck and claw and feed upon only to be lapped up and swallowed by the infinite waters of the Dread Emperor himself - forgotten to any man, to any time, forgotten to any god or devil, forgotten even to the sea, for any stuff for part of Winslow, even any scantling of your soul is Winslow no more, but is now itself the sea!