I
wonder how much of this is innate and how much of it is cultural programming. It’s pretty shitty how the gender stereotypes play out in the West. Women are
generally taught (whether directly or not) that their value comes from how
pretty they are and how well they can attract a man. And men are taught that
they need to be accomplished and get shit done and “look impressive” to be
worth anything.
We
rarely get the message that it’s ok to JUST BE.
I wish I was content with just
being a decent person who doesn’t treat people badly. The accomplishments and
everything else would just be the gravy on top and not be an essential part of
what my value is. What’s more, it would be amazing to somehow transcend this
value/worth-based paradigm and way of looking at people. That’s the ultimate
underlying culprit here that I can’t seem to escape.
Although
writing it all out like this seems to help a little.
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Hark Triton, hark! Bellow, bid our father the Sea King rise from the depths full foul in his fury! Black waves teeming with salt foam to smother this young mouth with pungent slime, to choke ye, engorging your organs til' ye turn blue and bloated with bilge and brine and can scream no more - only when he, crowned in cockle shells with slitherin' tentacle tail and steaming beard take up his fell be-finned arm, his coral-tine trident screeches banshee-like in the tempest and plunges right through yer gullet, bursting ye - a bulging bladder no more, but a blasted bloody film now and nothing for the harpies and the souls of dead sailors to peck and claw and feed upon only to be lapped up and swallowed by the infinite waters of the Dread Emperor himself - forgotten to any man, to any time, forgotten to any god or devil, forgotten even to the sea, for any stuff for part of Winslow, even any scantling of your soul is Winslow no more, but is now itself the sea!