'Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.'

- Neil Gaiman

The idea of having someone hold a sizable part of your happiness in their hands is downright terrifying. People are unpredictable, no matter how kind they might seem. At the end of the day, their emotional interests come first when things really count.

People might hear this and say "well, you should be happy on your own anyways so you aren't needy when in a relationship!! You have to work on yourself first!"

Ok, that's fine. But then why would you even seek out a relationship? Why would you deal with the work required to manage one? Don't you have to "need" a relationship to some degree to seek it out and work on keeping it together? Otherwise, if you are perfectly happy being alone, why even bother with the potential headache of a relationship?

Cello progress update: a duet

Another relationship ends and now I try to create a story to make sense of what happened. Do such stories even have a use? They place us into a box and into a narrative that we are then too afraid to reconsider.

We are living in some weird times. We expect a partner to provide nearly everything and when they slip, as they inevitably do, we can't let it go. The flaws keep building and a breaking point is eventually reached. Contempt starts to rear its head and you're left with a husk of something that used to be vibrant.

Maybe some people are meant to be alone.

I'll always have my art.

The best moments in reading are when you come across something - a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things - which you had thought special and particular to you. And now, here it is, set down by someone else. And it is as if a hand has come out, and taken yours. 

— Alan Bennett

Advice

I have noticed that when people are giving you advice, they aren't particularly concerned about convincing you of some truth or the necessity to change your ways/etc. Often times, they are trying to convince themselves of something they are having difficulty accepting. If you agree with what they say, it validates their views and makes it more likely that they themselves will buy into the advice as well. It's a form of external validation.

It's frustrating to be in such a situation because you are essentially being used by the person for self validation. Even though you are the one seeking advice, they are still focusing on themselves, not you. You have to wonder then, how useful is their advice since they are thinking about themselves, whether they realize it or not.

Vasquez Rocks

Just a quick visit:

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I sometimes wonder if actual people ever stumble upon this blog or it's mainly bots.

Oh well. Hello to any humans who see this.